A Ballroom Called Life

The limo gently pulled to the curb.  There in front of me was the most beautiful palace I had ever seen.  Royalty must live there, I thought to myself.  The sight of this building brought tears to my eyes.  Pure joy and excitement flooded my mind. The mere thought of going into a place like this brought me to life.  I am not sure how I got in the limo or even how I arrived at this palace in the first place. I sat in a daze as the limo driver quietly opened my door.  He extended his hand to assist me as I slowly exited the limo in my pure white dress decorated in fine jewels. I ran my fingers through my hair as I gazed upon the magnificence of this place.  The limo driver motioned for me to step out on to a fine satin red carpet.  The carpet extended from the limo all the way to the palace's entrance way.   I walked slowly and nervously towards the entrance.   The palace guards bowed as if they knew I would be arriving. I blushed as one kissed my left hand and the other my right hand.  The great doors of the palace opened inch by inch as my eyes tried to take in the scenery all at once.   There before me was the largest ballroom I have ever seen before. It was at the end of a long corridor but highly visible from the entrance way. The vastness of the palace both intrigued and petrified me.  Then I felt a shove as if an invisible hand pushed me into the corridor.  I felt the great doors close behind me and I now found myself standing alone.  After a few minutes I formed the courage to walk down the long and mysterious corridor into the actual ballroom.  I marveled as I gazed at the beautiful décor, the awesome splendor and richness of the ballroom.  There were diamonds everywhere.  It was if each was strategically located to catch my eye.  As I walked forward, I heard a loud and thunderous voice proclaim my arrival.  It caught the attention of every person in the ballroom.   They all stared at me. Some smiled at me, others grinned at me, but a few gave me evil glares. I froze for a moment unsure of what to do with all the attention on myself. After a few minutes people went back to dancing, eating and socializing and I relaxed and ventured out into the ballroom.  In the middle of the ballroom was a grand banquet table full of fine foods and wine.  People were consuming the food as fast as servants could bring it out, but there seemed to be an endless supply for all to enjoy.  I walked around the table in the shadows watching the people here.  I listened to them talk and watched what they did.  I was captivated by the uniqueness of each individual.  People were scattered all over the place.  Some were wearing fine clothes while others were wearing rags.  Some were bathed in perfume while others carried the burden of an awful body odor.  Everyone it seemed was in their own little world.   Couples were dancing to both slow and fast music.  Some of the couples were romantic, some were joyful, some sad, others were argumentative, and many were in some type of trance.  I watched these couples for hours wondering what it felt like to love.  The mere thought of being able to love gave me hope and desire beyond any measure.  It was then that I first heard the music that would so ever change my life. A musical seducing sound of pleasure.  I could feel things happening inside of me that I never felt before.  Feelings of love and happiness.  I found myself dancing in circles and leaping with excitement as I gradually made my way towards the musical source.  Then I saw something.  Light pierced forward towards me like a mighty sword.  It was an illuminating and captivating light.  My natural urge was to run forward and never to look back again.  I started to move towards the light and was almost there, when someone or something tapped me on my shoulder.  It was as if I was awakened from some type of trance or something.  I turned around abruptly to see who or what was touching me.  It was then that I was first introduced to the WORLD.    At first glance the WORLD looked so charming, warm and friendly.  He seemed to act like he cared about me and I believed that he would do me no harm.  He promised me happiness if I would just give him one dance.  A grin peered from his mouth as he patiently waited on my answer.  At first something in me told me to run away from him, and I hesitated briefly, but the WORLD was not the type that would take no for an answer.  After the third or fourth request and his endless persistence I reluctantly agreed to give the WORLD one dance.   All the while, my mind was still on the glorious light I had seen earlier, but what harm could one dance bring me anyway?  

The WORLD firmly embraced me and pulled me tight to him.   His hold over me was both forceful and enjoyable at the same time.  I wanted him to twirl me around in circles and to show me the thrill of the dance floor, but I also wanted to run away from him.  I was filled with mixed emotions but he won me over with his charms. After a long and captivating dance, the WORLD made me one with it.  I now enjoyed each and every dance step that was shown to me.  At first I had been reluctant, but now I was a willing and complete partner on the dance floor.  He no longer had to entice me to learn the dance steps, now I was making up my own.  I enjoyed the freedom from all guilt and authority.  No one or nothing could interfere with the enjoyment that I had given myself over to.  I could do as I pleased and the WORLD enabled me to do all that my heart desired.  It was all fun for a while until guilt and condemnation started to settle in.  The pain and consequences of sin surrounded my soul and for a brief moment I realized I was being deceived by the WORLD.   I squirmed and desperately tried to pull away, but the WORLD's grip on me was too firm and I unwillingly fell into a trance.  I felt as if I lost all my free will to fight against him. I laid limply in the WORLD's arms as I was spun around and around to the point where I was dizzy and confused.  I didn't even know where I was or what I was doing any more.  It was as if someone else was living my life for me.  Next, the WORLD passed me to a dance partner called ABUSE.   

ABUSE was ugly and cruel.  His very appearance disgusted me.  There was a distinct odor that resonated from ABUSE's  mouth as he screamed obscenities at me.  Fear gripped my heart and I wanted to run and hide.  Instead I was unable to escape this inevitable dance, because he was much too powerful for me.  He overpowered me and I now would experience extreme shame and torment.   He twisted my arm behind my back as he pretended to be a graceful dance partner.  To everyone else around me on the dance floor ABUSE appeared to be a good and kind dance partner.  But in reality he was secretly a cruel and destructive partner.  Every slap, hit or kick was like a cut deep in my heart.  I wanted to hide but had no where to go to.  I wanted to die, but was made to live another day.  I cried so many tears and yet it was always the same.  ABUSE only grew stronger the weaker I became.  I thought for sure someone would see my pain and rescue me, but no one came. It was as if those around in the ballroom did not recognize me and were blind to who ABUSE really was.  I so longed to be rescued from this dance but it went on song after song.  ABUSE could change forms and identities at a will, but his biggest tool was the shame that surrounded my heart and mind.  Shame of what ABUSE was doing to me kept me a prisoner on the dance floor. The types of abuse were progressive and increased in regularity.  Just when I thought I had endured all that I could take, ABUSE introduced even more evil ways to hurt me physically, sexually, emotionally and spiritually.  Why was I the only one to see ABUSE for cruel monster that he really was?  Why were so many people so blind?  Who would rescue me?  Then I remembered that light that I wanted to seek out before the WORLD had taken me away.  If only I could reach the light, then somehow I know I would be okay.  ABUSE threw me to the ballroom floor like a defeated foe.  He picked me back up and crushed me like a bag of bones.  Stop ABUSE!  I screamed for all I had in me.....You are hurting me!  Let go of me!   ABUSE seemed very content at the sight of my condition.  He sneered in evil laughter.  Off in the distance I again saw the illuminating light.   I was again drawn to the light and for a few minutes I seemed to forget about my dance partner called ABUSE.  Just as joy and peace was to enter my heart, ABUSE hurled me like a piece of trash into the arms of the WORLD once again!

The WORLD ran his fingers through my hair and caressed my soul as he successfully convinced me that he could rescue me from the pain that ABUSE had inflicted upon me.  I reluctantly agreed to be his servant from then on because it seemed only the WORLD could provide temporary relief from my pain.  The WORLD encouraged me to compromise my beliefs and to satisfy selfish desires.  I would no longer be the one hurt, instead I would do whatever it took to satisfy my own needs and desires.  I would protect myself at all costs. I sinned for quite some time thinking that somehow I could bury the ABUSE, but the memories and pain never went away. Down deep I knew I was missing something or someone, but I was in love with the high I got when I satisfied my flesh.  Then the WORLD passed me to a new dance partner called UNFORGIVENESS.

UNFORGIVENESS leaned close to me and whispered accusations to me.  Remember the mean things your father did to you?  Remember how no one loved you?  Remember the pain?  Remember your former dance partner,  ABUSE?  I fought back tears, as I fought not to remember these painful things.  You must remember, shouted UNFORGIVENESS!  Protect yourself my child from your enemies and seek revenge UNFORGIVENESS instructed me.  I turned my head to the side trying to fight the urge to give in to UNFORGIVENESS. It was no use to fight as UNFORGIVENESS stuck his bony finger in my face and reminded me of the pain and torment my father had put me through with years of ABUSE.  All the rejection and pain I had experienced came back as if it happened in the present day.  I was crying uncontrollably inside and looked around for the illuminating light to rescue me, but I could not find it anywhere.  I gave in finally, and UNFORGIVENESS became part of who I was as a person.  He took over my mind and my thoughts.  I could never look at people the same.  I now mistrusted anyone that I met and I no longer cared about how others felt.   UNFORGIVENESS gave me a knowing glance as he passed me to another dance partner called HATE. 

Now HATE was a very destructive dance partner.  His strategy was to get me to destroy everyone in my life including myself.  He first pulled me tight against him and suffocated my very soul.  He too reminded me of my past.  Your father hates you.  Even your mom even hates you.  My mom hates me, I asked surprisingly?  She is my friend. She couldn't hate me! HATE snickered as it declared; oh she hates you all right.  Did she stop your dad from abusing you when you were younger?  Well, no, I replied.  HATE responded, if she loved you so much then why didn't she protect you from your father? HATE laughed as he watched the battle that raged within me.  My mind raced as  I remembered all the times she failed me, and all the times that he had hit me.  You must be right HATE, they all loath me. Yes, snarled HATE!!!  You don't need anyone anyway, HATE added.  In fact, you should also hate yourself.  Hate myself?  Yes HATE responded.  This is all your fault my child!  If you had been a better child maybe your dad wouldn't have abused you.  I cried hysterically as I thought about the statement.  If I had been better maybe my dad would have loved me.  It was all my fault!!!  Confusion filled my heart.  Everyone hates me!  No one loves me! I was hurt and angry and about to explode in rage.  HATE saw the condition of my soul as he twirled me around in circles.  As I spun around and around I tried frantically to find the illuminating light.  I knew it was my only hope.  There it is I thought to myself, but it is so dim now.  How could I reach it anyway?  I am too far-gone I thought aloud.  Next, I found myself in the arms of DEATH and MURDER. 

DEATH and MURDER passed me back and forth like a hot potato.  Back and forth I went.  All the people in the ballroom called life seemed to stare at me like I was some criminal or something.  No one stepped in to stop this destructive dance and I felt completely defenseless, useless and defeated.  All my hopes and dreams were now dead.  Anger, hate and rage boiled up inside of me.  MURDER spoke to my heart without even moving his lips.  It was if he was inside of my mind.  He knew my every thought.  I heard it loud and clear.  Murder your enemies!  Kill, kill, and kill!  It will take away your pain and you can live in peace knowing that the people who hurt you got what they deserved. I fought inside of myself not to do what MURDER was telling me to do. Memories of past hurts flashed before my mind like a feature film.  Yet, I couldn't kill anyone.   Just as I thought I had defeated this thought, MURDER threw me violently into the arms of DEATH.  All the sudden the whole ballroom called life got dark. 

DEPRESSION entered and grabbed a hold of me.  It peered into my eyes and convinced me I had nothing to live for.  Nooooo one lovessss you!  You will never be able to accomplish anything in your life because you are too messed up.  You should be ashamed of yourself for even thinking about murdering someone.  It's too late for you DEPRESSION said time and time again. Soon I repeated the words I heard aloud.  No one loves me.  No one loves me.  I have nothing to live for.  Next, DEPRESSION threw me into the air and DEATH was waiting there to catch me as I came down.  Darkness pierced my soul and my mind told me how, when and where I should end my life.  I left the arms of DEATH and raced across the ballroom called life to have my one last dance.  Life was fleeting and I could not keep up with its dance steps.  I felt very much alone in a very dark place.  I picked up the weapon called SELF-HATRED and was ready to end my misery when that illuminating light came out of nowhere and filled the room.  The spirits of Death, Murder, Hatred, Anger, Unforgiveness and Abuse ran for their very existence.  The darkness gave way to the light.   Standing in the center of the ballroom was the most glorious sight I have ever seen.  He was glorious, illuminating and radiant.  Every hair on his body glowed.  Purity and Holiness surrounded him.  He glowed from head to toe. His eyes were piercing but were saturated with love.   I was not worthy to look upon Him.  He touched me on my shoulder and I felt even more unworthy and ashamed.  I managed only a whisper.  Who are you, I asked?  I am the Son of God, your salvation.  I am Jesus.  Jesus?  Yes my child.  May I have this dance?  But, I am not worthy I replied.  My clothes are as rags and yours are so pure and holy.  I do not want to make you dirty my Lord.  My precious child you can not make me dirty, because I have all power over sin and the authority to grant forgiveness.  I now will give you a gift that will make you clean too.  My death and resurrection gave me (and now you) victory over DEATH and the grave.   Your sins are forgotten my child.  Through me you can be made holy and righteous.  I will give you a new white garment so you can dance with me.  I fell to my knees and worshipped Him.  Joy filled my heart.  My tears were flowing now like a mighty flood in a desert land.  I cried not out of pain but out of relief as I felt all the guilt, shame and condemnation leave me now. I was truly forgiven and  with a desire to live again.  Jesus carefully picked me up and hugged me so tightly.  His hugs were better than any earthly medicine or love.  All the abuse, hate, anger, unforgiveness, murder and death left me instantly.  All of it was replaced with His love, mercy, and forgiveness.  The longer He held me in his arms as we danced the more my surroundings changed and I saw things much differently now.  It was as if I had blinders taken off of my eyes and mind as I now looked at the splendor and the glory of this ballroom called life. For the first time since I stepped into the ballroom called life I now knew that Jesus had a plan for my life and He would help me through the journey. We danced into the sunset.

Copyright, 2004

Written by Michael Bacon

Please do not reproduce without permission.

This will be published at a later date.

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